Only about three more weeks till AE now. Just in case, I want to let you all know now so it doesn't come as a huge shock if it does actually happen which hopefully it won't but it is a possibility so I thought I'd tell you now than tell you later. I might not be able to go. My health has decided to take a turn for the worse this week and I haven't felt well enough to leave the house. I didn't go to piano lessons yesterday and I won't be able to go to church tonight either. It bothers me a lot that I might not be able to go and I just don't understand what God is doing. I thought He wanted me to go to AE and He let me get accepted an everything just seemed to be working out until now and I'm basically house-ridden for the time being.
So that's where I'm at for the time being. I cry about it alot. I spend a lot of time just asking God "Why?" I don't know what God's doing but He does. I'm reminded of my roommate Stephanie. There were a lot of really discouraging things that happened to her during EXCEL yet I never once saw her waver in her faith. She still got up early each morning and read her Bible. She still prayed. She always shared with me what God was teaching her through it all. And I wondered how she was able to still trust God when He was allowing all this bad stuff to happen in her life.
Now God's allowing bad stuff to happen in my life and I don't feel like I have any other choice but to trust God. Before I went to EXCEL I didn't really want anything to do with God and I was going to do everything my way because I didn't need Him. But I just can't do that now. If I give up on God than what do I have to see me through each day? Nothing. So with all that being said, I'd like to give you the lyrics to this song that has become very powerful to me during this last week.
Yes, Lord, Yes
I'll say yes, Lord, yes to Your will and to Your way.
I'll say yes, Lord, yes. I will trust You and obey.
When Your Spirit speaks to me,
With my whole heart I'll agree,
And my answer will be yes, Lord, yes.
Please say yes to God this week with whatever He's taking you through. It's a whole lot better than saying "No, I'll do this my way." I've done that before and it's just not worth it anymore. It takes everything you have and gives you nothing back.